In 2020, after 17 years of marriage, Theresa and I hit rock bottom. We had endured years of emotional distance, escalating conflicts, and several near-divorces. Our relationship felt like an endless roller coaster. As a successful businessman, I was often on the road 10+ hours a day, five days a week, while Theresa built a thriving therapy practice in Ohio. Then COVID struck, and we were both forced to work from home. That magnified our differences and amplified every unresolved tension. We were truly on the brink.

          A turning point came when a close friend gently suggested I might fit the classic Asperger’s profile. Curious and deeply committed to saving our marriage, I dove into research and self-reflection. I have never had a confirming medical diagnosis. What I do have are several markers and traits associated with Asperger’s, confirmed through extensive research and multiple online assessments. Most men are very reluctant to accept this. After looking honestly at the pattern, I was willing to embrace it.

          What I discovered aligned with what we now see in many couples: the loyal, hardworking provider who shows love through provision, stability, tasks, and accomplishments. Successful men often move into provider mode. They serve. They are intensely focused and task-oriented. Their identity is frequently tied to their occupation. Their “love language” to others is doing and achieving.

          In the younger years, a wife’s emotional needs are often met through family and children. As children grow older, the husband may still receive a great deal of gratification from work. The wife can grow emotionally starved. A common picture is a very successful, intensely focused husband with an intense passion—and a wife who feels like a roommate.

          Many wives in similar situations feel increasingly starved for affection, connection, and intimacy as years pass, children grow up, careers shift, or unexpected challenges arise. Even without a major crisis, the emotional gap can widen silently until it becomes unbearable.

          Theresa and I refused to accept that as our ending. Through trial, error, honest conversations, and practical strategies, we created The Asperger’s & Marriage Community—including our women’s group and men’s group, packed with valuable resources and supported by over 1,000 wives in our women’s group alone.

We specifically focus on helping couples in three areas:

• Communication. Bridging the gap between the logical, solution-oriented husband and the wife who leans more emotional. This includes helping the husband identify her emotional needs and communicate with her on an emotional level. Without that skill, men often do one of two things: they become a circuit breaker—getting flooded and shutting down—or they become a volcano.
• Affection and intimacy. A man is never too old to learn that small acts of affection throughout the day can lead to deeper physical intimacy. Women want to be hugged, cherished, and to feel like they are number one. We work with men on making that real.
• Spiritual intimacy. Christian couples who share an intimate spiritual connection have an extremely low divorce rate. This is more than saying words together. It is looking into each other’s eyes, praying together, and building a lifestyle of praise and worship. That bond changes a marriage.

          We have seen real success working with couples and helping them heal their marriages in these three areas. One of the most important things we have learned is to abandon traditional clinical language. Most men do not like being told they have Asperger’s. Whether a husband accepts that label or ever receives a diagnosis is largely irrelevant. Identifying with Asperger’s is not the point. The goals stay the same. The strategies stay the same.

         Today, Theresa feels emotionally fulfilled, and daily affection and intimacy are now a natural part of our routine. We are living proof that miracles happen in marriage when both partners commit to understanding and growth. 

          Call or text us to learn more and take the first step toward healing. You don’t have to face this alone. Call Today! (419) 330-9658